For Immediate Release

SUSAN CLARKE ASSIGNS HIP MONIKERS TO “NEIGHBORHOODS” IN HER APARTMENT

February 8, 2008. LOS ANGELES, Calif. At a press conference held in Echo Park this afternoon, Susan Clarke unveiled a freshly drawn map in which she has renamed the districts of her apartment with hip, two-and three-syllable nicknames fashioned after New York City’s SoHo and NoLita. The former living room, whose main attraction is the large picture window, has been rechristened PiWi, while the office, which is located directly to the South of PiWi, is now appropriately called SoPiWi. Furthermore, SoPiWi is broken down into smaller districts including BoSheCo (the bookshelf corner), DUD (down under the desk) and StoCaLi (the storage shelves above the cat litter box).

Inspired by the highly touted rejuvenation of nearby Downtown Los Angeles, Clarke’s branding initiative is an attempt to create a sophisticated urban reputation for her apartment, which is an otherwise uninspired box with office carpeting and popcorn ceilings. “This apartment could have a major presence as a retail/entertainment live-work loft complex,” Clarke explains from a comfortable seat in KiTa (the kitchen table). “But it needs some savvy, upscale marketing to stand a chance in the highly competitive field of urban gentrification.” Clarke’s additional branding tactics will include updating the font of the #3 on the front door to something more streamlined in brushed aluminum, planting eco-friendly bamboo next to the driveway, and a cross-promotional campaign with Design Within Reach. Clarke ultimately hopes that she can create enough buzz about her address to incite a bidding war between Robek’s and Cold Stone Creamery over who gets to build a retail outlet in her carport, known as BeBe for its location below the bedroom.

Clarke scoffs at memories of former apartments, which were quaintly non-commercial and located in economically mixed, functional neighborhoods. “If it’s not highly researched, targeted to a specific demographic, prepackaged, attached to a corporation, and honed by a focus group,” she posits, retrieving a Mexican Fresca from FriDo (the fridge door), “who would want to live there?”

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