For Immediate Release

SUSAN CLARKE SPOILS ROMANTIC MOMENT BY MAKING SASQUATCH JOKE

NOVEMBER 8, 2007, LOS ANGELES, Calif. Last night, Susan Clarke and her boyfriend were enjoying a romantic fall evening at home (read: about to get it on) when Clarke cracked a joke about Sasquatch and by all accounts, ruined the magic of the moment. The specific events leading up to the joke are unclear, but at one point the conversation turned to a certain characteristic of the male anatomy which prompted Clarke to quip “That’s what Mrs. Sasquatch said.” The non sequitur led to further speculation on the mating life of Sasquatch, and the tender candlelit intimacy was all but trampled. Such blunders are common among socially retarded comedy writers, and it is a drawback that Clarke’s long-term relationship has had to deal with on more than one occasion.

“What if there were only two Sasquatches, and they didn’t even like each other?” Clarke posits, reliving the topic that unquestionably put out last night’s fire. Once the pair resigned themselves to thoroughly unsexy examination of possibly fictional wildlife, they found themselves with more questions than answers. “What if there was only one guy and one girl Sasquatch, and they kind of figured they should mate, but they totally hated each other?” Clarke brought up the very real possibility that the male Sasquatch might be immature, or malodorous, or always has to be right about everything. “To be fair,” she continued, “the female Sasquatch might be a total bitch. “ Clarke and boyfriend both considered the possibility that one of the Sasquatches could also be gay, further preventing them from carrying on their legacy of leaving enormous footprints in the deep woods of the Pacific Northwest once every 42 years. A night of unfettered passion it was not.

In an effort to prevent the tragic booty derailment from occurring again, Clarke is going to adopt the practice of purging her best comic material of the day from her system before the boyfriend gets home, performing a standup set in front of a potted palm if necessary. Clarke’s boyfriend has indicated he would settle for turning up the volume on Al Green’s Greatest Hits to drown out any inappropriately non-dirty talk.

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