Susan Clarke Returns Home

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

SUSAN CLARKE RETURNS HOME TO FIND ACROSS-THE-WAY NEIGHBOR’S APARTMENT EMPTY

ACTRESS HAD BEEN DISCUSSING MOVING IN WITH BOYFRIEND

LOS ANGELES, Calif. Susan Clarke pulled up in front of her undisclosed address at approximately 6:30 this evening and was immediately struck by the fact that something didn’t look right about the street-facing, second-story window in apartment 5. The red curtains were gone. Clarke recalled that the occupant of apartment 5, a young actress named Gillian, had been talking about moving in with her boyfriend Dave, a musician and songwriter. Her suspicions were confirmed when she looked into the unadorned window from the vantage point of her own second floor living room window, and saw only bare hardwood floors. Gillian had occupied apartment 5 for approximately two years.

“It’s the nature of apartment dwelling in Los Angeles,” said Clarke with a sigh. “It’s just a shame when the good ones don’t last longer. The guy downstairs who plays throbbing house music all day — he doesn’t seem to be going anywhere, of course.” Clarke is referring to the landlord’s grandson, who no one takes issue with because he is the landlord’s grandson. The unpredictable 70-plus year old landlord appears to shop at the teen mall store Charlotte Russe and has gone under the knife so many times that the line of her mouth wraps nearly the entire circumference of her head.

The amiable Gillian surpassed ordinary neighborly expectations when she agreed to perform in a sitcom script reading of Clarke’s at the Improv Olympic — a role which was clearly a deciding factor in ABC’s decision to cast Gillian in a prime time sitcom. The two also hiked together on one occasion and co-hosted a barbecue in the fall of 2005.

Clarke keeps meaning to call her and see how things are going, but so far the first steps of friend maintenance have remained at bay.

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