Susan Clarke Losing Faith in Liberals

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

SUSAN CLARKE LOSING FAITH IN LIBERALS

ANNOUNCEMENT PROMPTED BY OPENING OF NEW POLITICAL T-SHIRT SHOP

LOS ANGELES, Calif. Thanks to the opening of a new political t-shirt store in the Echo Park neighborhood of Los Angeles, Susan Clarke has announced that she finds herself “cringing at the methodology of my compatriots, and rapidly losing faith in the furthering of liberal and humanitarian causes.” The local retailer sells organic, U.S.-made t-shirts screened with such artwork as peace signs, a Star Wars logo reading “Stop Wars”, and “My Bush is Pro-Choice.”

A visit to the shop, with its flyers for peace rallies and yoga classes, caused Clarke to reflect on the Conservative right, and the methods they employ to further their Christian fundamentalist-based agenda. Conservatives do things like create the Discover Foundation, and house it in a stately old building on Capitol Hill and find donors like Bill Gates willing to put up a million dollars to fund the ideology of creationism. Meanwhile, the opposition silk-screens ironic slogans on t-shirts in a rundown neighborhood. “I will always stand for human rights, justice, equality, preservation of the environment, and the upholding of The Constitution,” commented Clarke, “but this is the best we can come up with to change the system? T-shirts and sign-holding at intersections during rush hour? Come on people.”

Clarke also makes the observation that the liberal agenda lacks, well, a clear agenda, and also a leader. “There’s no single figure that liberals can or are willing to unite behind. It’s difficult to be taken seriously as an opposing team when you don’t even have a mouthpiece.” Clarke acknowledges those who have made names for themselves with environmental activism, anti-war activities, women’s causes, or any number of issues, but just as there is no one figure, there is likewise no cohesive agenda. “I’ve fallen prey to ‘splintered focus syndrome’ myself,” she admits, as a card-carrying member of the ACLU and an active member of MoveOn.org, the California Consumers Coalition, the Organic Consumers Association, the Social Justice and Advocacy Group of Neighborhood Church, Pasadena, Planned Parenthood, and the American Farmland Trust.

Recently, after watching several really amateurish documentaries on liberal issues, reading many poorly-written blogs, and getting emails about raising money for progressive causes with cupcake parties, she has begun to reconsider forwarding online petitions and attending lackluster marches. “Did we learn nothing from punk rock? If you really want to make a difference, put on a suit and fuck shit up from within.”

The proprietors of the t-shirt shop could not be reached for comment, as they haven’t gotten around to opening their store for the last few days.

###